May. 28th, 2007

sarcasticsquirrel: (play time willow mangofandango)
LEO: "I’m sorry, but can we really justify spending $800,000 on “A Bio-Cultural Approach to the Study of Female Sexual Fantasy and Genital Arousal”?"

TOBY:"How can we afford not to?"
sarcasticsquirrel: (wilson wink angiescully)
so today ive been doing the little things that need to get done. selling stuff online, doing my summer and next years fafsa, made a planned parenthood appointment to change my birth control to something that doesnt give me migrains, and now i am updating lj because i cant get on webct right now to do homework. i also talked to my nana, and hung out with zach, who was not on his meds and was acting nuts.

yesterday i saw spiderman 3. i was disappointed. it wasnt a really bad movie, just too much was in it for one movie. the day before that i saw shrek the third. that was cute, not great but cute. this was the weekend for third movies.

i saw dodger last night. he came for the last of his things from my place. i hadnt seen him since before we broke up. it was strange. he looked alright. i mean he looked good and happy, but its not my style. he didnt keep any of the stuff from our relationship. none of it. then he gave me a hug and acted like it was a secret like shed get mad. sounds like someone who is way too jealous. whatever. doesnt matter to me.
sarcasticsquirrel: (me tile face)
my mom has been pressuring me to drop out of school. ive failed stats, i have a lot of hard classes ahead of me to get my degree, its not going well. im going to have to fight to get my financial aid back.

the other issue is that theres a big chance i wont be able to get work with my psych degree due to my criminal record. so i could do all the work only to not be able to use it.

my mom told me to drop out and write books about my problems. thinks i could make a lot of cash. i told her that writing books isnt really a career to depend on for financial stability. nana wants me to go to art school.

art school is not unappealing. but im not sure about the career paths that would follow.

right now my plan, assuming that i get my financial aid back, is to take classes i want to take for summer and fall. theres a writing class and a history class that look good. and some of the psych classes i need. then in winter id go back to taking stats and science and spanish like i need to. give myself a break, regroup.

if i cant get my aid back ill not be in school. ill do something else for a while. not sure what.

i dont know what i want or what i should do at this point.
sarcasticsquirrel: (buffy rape front_ier)
last week on thursday i was at school and i didnt know anything would be going on that way. there were booths in the park blocks and clotheslines with shirts. so i went back after class to look. the shirts were the clothesline project. the boothes were about take back the night. the shirts were from people who had been victims of sexual violence. take back the night is about ending sexual and domestic violence.

the shirts were hard to read. it hurt to see all that pain. i got a take back the night shirt, a safety whistle, and a button that says consent is sexy.

a lot of the time im ok. but i still dont know how to deal with the rape. and it comes up at random moments. like today zach and i were wrestling and he had his eyes wide and angry looking and he was holding my wrists and i was pinned down on the bed and i freaked. i didnt tell him why.

they had a booth where you could register your penis. guess it was saying that you promise not to harm people with it or something. peter seemed angry about this. i understood his point but i understood why they did it too.

there was a guy playing ani songs and other stuff, it was nice in a way.

i came back in the evening. listened to the speakers. the survivors telling their stories. that was hard. then i made a shirt for the clothesline project and hung it up. that was also hard. and i put some really personal stuff up there. then i sat and listened to more of the speakers and tim met me and held my candle for me cuz im afraid of fire.

that was a hard night. i still need to deal with a lot of this. im still hurt and afraid.


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sarcastic squirrel

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