sarcasticsquirrel: (marvin sit gsd82)
anyone up? wanna chat? or play a game online?
sarcasticsquirrel: (count your sheep)
everyone is asleep. in the house, online. everyone is gone. im lonely.
sarcasticsquirrel: (lilo alone)
i get depressed and lonely when im the only one awake. and i dont feel well. this sucks.
sarcasticsquirrel: (peejee napkin scorpiofeminist)
a break from the flashbacks.

today i missed class again. switched to an overnight schedual. pete came and woke me up at 1pm. we went and got food. we went to greyhound but lost and found was closed. went to his place and got a rca cable i needed. he was being kinda creepy, talking about having sex with me. and read me what he wrote about seeing me in s.f. in it it said he wants to be my doormatt. said he didnt take me back to dodger that day cuz he wanted me to himself. it was really unnerving.

trent came over tonight. we talked nd caught up and watched hitch. i like that movie. had a good time with him, hes a sweety.

but now im alone. and dodger hasnt gotten up yet. so much for an up at night schedual. i would wake him but his phone has been turned off. im afraid that with his inability to keep a sleep schedual we will never be able to talk cuz ill never be able to keep up with what hes doing that day, or even know what hes doing. or that ill never sleep, staying up hoping to catch him.

im lonely. hardly anyone is online. im sad from posting all the flashback stuff from s.f. and i miss him. im having a ahrd enough time as it is without feeling completely left by him with this lack of him even ever being awake. whatever. im being selfish. if he wants to sleep all the time thats his right. he shouldnt feel he has to be here for me. no one has to be here for me. i dont even feel like taking on that job.

i am afraid of my own self destructive nature. its kicking into overdrive. and i know that i havent acted badly enough to warrent a hospital trip. they wouldnt take me. and honestly i dont have time. thats kinda funny. if it comes down to it and things get worse...i dont have time to save my life. i have a class to go to. maybe i dont want to save myself. its not like he will ever really want to stay with me in the end. what am i waiting around for? rejection.

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sarcastic squirrel

January 2017

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