sarcasticsquirrel: (me eye the_dodger)
better pix of my costume. and my new hair.

sarcasticsquirrel: (me corner)
i havent dont anything with my life. i spen my time sitting around on my computer and watching movies. or fucking. or sleeping. or eating. none of these things mean anything or accomplish anything.

this is not going to change. as i get older i do less and less. i used to like to take pictures. i used to write poems as if writing were oxygen. i used to love to sing so much id practice for hours. i used to read.

now i do nothing. and its not like im going to accomplish something great. or anything really. i will never get into grad school so i wil have a BS, which really should stand for bullshit, because it wont be worth anything as far as a career goes that will be anything i can even live off the income of. ill have those 20-something age jobs for the rest of my life.

i will most likely marry, but repeatedly rather than for any long term commitment. and i will never have children. because no man will ever be stupi enough to stay with me long enough to even consider having a kid. so barring any accidents id say parenthood is off the table.

so what will i be doing? living in some apartment, watching movies, living paycheck to paycheck. souns a lot like now but without that sort of hope tha college occassionaly offers.

i dont even think ill have close friends. i dont feel close to any of my friends. no offense but i never see any of you and i dont have anyone in my life that i feel like i can really talk to without being embarrassed or without worrying about the response ill get.

i miss high school. its sad to be missing a time in my life when i was so depressed i sliced myself up daily. but i had friends that loved me. and i saw them a lot and they were there for me. i think id o almost anything to find andrew hales. but i doubt i ever will.

i know peter will leave me. he likes me but he doesnt think im good for him. i think i am. but in my opinion he seems to be uneasy about any situation that causes him to care. he seems uncomfortable caring about someone an dealing with the emotions that go along with that. he seems to find it easier to detach from people an the world. i am not a way to detach. i am a link to very intense emotion. i thrive off of intensity. i like him a lot. and i keep waiting for the day it all ends so abruptly it leaves my head spinning. but i went into this relationship knowing hed be the one to leave. i just wonder how long i have. im doing my best but nothing is good enough.
sarcasticsquirrel: (party monster glamour Asmodues_II)
seeing my dad an brother tomorrow. working on cleaning an organizing my stuff again this weekend. lilstening to bad music right now.

i want to have a birthday party this year. ill be 24 on the 10th of october. i was thinking something on like a saturday night closest to the day. last time i attempted to have a bday party i ha like 3 guests. id like this to be more successfull. ill try to contact people iniviually but also if you see this an think youd come please comment. there will be cake, food, goofy party favors, music, ect.

i also want opinions:

what would you like to see? should there be alcohol? maybe a corner with a stupid board game? im totally lame, i dont drink or go to parties. but id really like to get the people i care about together an have a good time. so input people!
sarcasticsquirrel: (me bw)
me me me look look look

Read more... )

btw anyone else going to the pride parade this monring/afternoon?
sarcasticsquirrel: (me corner)
my friend scott asked in his lj what peoples flaws are. this was my response...

i hate dont like people, i use people, i intentionally try and make people feel bad for my own amusement. i am too afraid of failing to ever try anything. i dont make any effort to know whats going on outside my own life. i try and get other people to take care of me. im greedy. i an physically incapable of saving money. im lazy. im immature. i pretend to be open while really never opening up to anyone. i hide my feelings. i detach from myself and others. i dont express my anger. i talk behind peoples backs. i cant keep secrets. i hate myself and treat myself accordingly.

feel free to post your flaws here too. ill screen coments for ya in case anyone is shy.


sarcasticsquirrel: (Default)
sarcastic squirrel

January 2017

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