sarcasticsquirrel: (stopped talking mia_liz)
i took my meds for the first time tonight. crushed the pill andput it in peanut butter. so we shall see how it goes. im nervous. but this might be good for me. you never know. one concern is that the pills and the bottle say 20 mg when i thought she said she was starting me on 2 mg. then up to 4 mg. i wonder if the pharmacist read it wrong. that would be bad.
sarcasticsquirrel: (Default)
went to class. was late. phone went off in class with loud annoying ringtone. i was totally mortified. oh my. then met up with peter. we had a serious talk. neither of us have been comfortable with him caretaking me. i want to be in an equal relationship. i dont want to be taken care of. especially by my boyfriend. it creates a relationship where i am the child or the one to be controled. and i dont want that. i dont want to need him. i want to want him. and feel like im independant. so he is afraid cuz he thinks i dont take care of myself. he doesnt want to watch me suffer. and i told him he needs to step back and let me dop things for myself. im an adult. i told him i wont always make the right choices but they are mine to make. in turn i will do my best to take care of myself. i know im not always the best at it. i think the convo went well.

we hung out later an had a nice time. tonight ive been relaxing. i even made some soup. i am proficien at opening a can and adding water. woo.

theres one more thing i did today. im nervous about it. but i think its worth a try. i went and saw nancy at my therapy place. she is the med nurse. shes a really nice lady. and i had an hour appointment. and we talked. and she listened and asked questions and she remembered past things. and at the end i felt like she was helpful. and she gave me a prescription for abilify. im going to try this again. the meds. but in a way i feel like im giving up. ive worked so hard not to be on drugs. and i dont need them. thats the fucked up thing. i dont need to do this. im trying to make things easier on me and make myself feel better. so why do i feel bad about it?

in other news comcast finally got the internet working on the desktop. for a minute. then it was gone again and he coulnt get it back. then he got it going on the laptop. so its up to me to get the desktop working im guessing. damn.
sarcasticsquirrel: (rape samantha-78)
im considering getting one of those personal alarm thingies. the kind you can set off if youre in trouble an they are really fucking loud.

this day could be worse. going out in a bit to make myself leave my bed. ive been really tired lately. going to go get a new build a bear. seems i do that when things go badly. i have a my relationship with dodger ended an my whole life is being altered cow, an i fucked up my birth control an have to take the ecp bear, an today im off to pick up a i got rape an dont feel safe anymore bunny. blah.

tonight i plan on sitting down an reading some of the stupid recovery book i got at powells and watching speak cuz its the least upsetting movie i have that has rape in it. and i think ill try an write. i dunno.

i think that today itself isnt going so badly. things have not ben goo for me though. im not coping.

i also think i coul use a new therapist. a better one. and possibly some meds. i need to take care of myself and i just havent been.
sarcasticsquirrel: (escape reality gi booster_rocket)
i was talking about meds with someone last night. ive never been on more than two at a time i dont think. this is prolly boring for everyone. i dont take meds anymore, and i think thats better for me. this si the list of ones ive taken. woohoo. and in case any of you are thinking of asking no i dont have any left. i already gave them away. well except the one i never tried. abilify. its liquid but its up for grabs. haha.


i think there were more but i forget.


sarcasticsquirrel: (Default)
sarcastic squirrel

January 2017

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