sarcasticsquirrel: (portman gun x-prettieststar)
im finished with my social psych class. i think the final went well. one can hope.

unfortunately i think im getting sick.
sarcasticsquirrel: (eternal sunshine kids jelpen2013)
had my first day of my social psychology class today. made some friends. it was nice. the class has 23 people in it including me. i like the smaller class size.
sarcasticsquirrel: (naughty evil __yourbestbet__)
so i got up late, of course. went to the post office and mailed an ebay item. then i went off to meet zach at the psu bookstore and get my textbooks. was waiting at the streetcar stop and had my headphones on. this guy was standing in front of me trying to talk to me. i could tell i did not want to talk to him. but he wouldnt let up. he was nearly full on yelling when i paused my ipod. he asked if i wanted to cruise with him and his friend. i said no. he asked if i was sure. i was. then we all got on the streetcar. it was crowded. did i mention this man was drunk and missing teeth? and he was maybe my fathers age. no i dont want to cruise with him (cruise? hes opn the streetcar!) then he tries talking to me again, now he is right there next to me cuz its so crowded. then he reaches out and tries to touch this woman near us. pokes his finger out and touches her stomach and says "hey lady" then he falls on to me and knocks me over onto some poor girl behand me. i apologized but she said it obviously wasnt my fault. at that point i move to another part of the streetcar very quickly. finally i get off and run over to the bookstore where zach is waiting. they dont have the one for my later class yet, but it doesnt start for over a month so im not worried. picked up my psych book and a notebook and a pen. great. go upstairs to the register. the lady charges me $30 for my textbook with guide. the label downstairs said $90. so i tell her. she rings up the other half of the set. now she is charging me $120 instead. so i tell her. she calls downstairs. shes on the phone for like 5 minutes. at least. then she tells me that it is mislabeled and that they want ME to go downstairs and find one that is labeled right and bring it back up. excuse me? its their labeling issue. the guy downstairs should bring it to us. i grabbed the right book from the right place. but i go down there and i look through the stacks till i find one labeled right. at least half are not. then i bring it back up. teach me to be honest again. so we go have lunch. and i go get a new pair of jeans at the gap's big sale. so i got a pair for 20 bucks and then we hit the safeway on the way home. zach and i watched chicken run. that was cool. unlike my apartment. fucking heat. could make people pies in here.

ive been hanging out with my friend jon lately. hadnt seen him in a while, its been fun.
sarcasticsquirrel: (smart passing_girl)
got a B- in my human development class cuz of the grading curve. yay!
sarcasticsquirrel: (me tile face)
my mom has been pressuring me to drop out of school. ive failed stats, i have a lot of hard classes ahead of me to get my degree, its not going well. im going to have to fight to get my financial aid back.

the other issue is that theres a big chance i wont be able to get work with my psych degree due to my criminal record. so i could do all the work only to not be able to use it.

my mom told me to drop out and write books about my problems. thinks i could make a lot of cash. i told her that writing books isnt really a career to depend on for financial stability. nana wants me to go to art school.

art school is not unappealing. but im not sure about the career paths that would follow.

right now my plan, assuming that i get my financial aid back, is to take classes i want to take for summer and fall. theres a writing class and a history class that look good. and some of the psych classes i need. then in winter id go back to taking stats and science and spanish like i need to. give myself a break, regroup.

if i cant get my aid back ill not be in school. ill do something else for a while. not sure what.

i dont know what i want or what i should do at this point.
sarcasticsquirrel: (dont start angel puppet pokecharm)
on friday zach came down to hang out. we went to the mall and the store. he spent the night. we hung out more on saturday. on sunday i spent time with my mom. we went to target and washington square. ate at the cheesecake factory. it was yummy.

on monday zach came down and hung out a bit. then colin came over. we went to lloyd center. then we went to safeway and back to my place where we hung out. we ended up watching reality bites. he slept over and the next day i got up and went to class. i havent been making it to my math class. ive been sleeping too late. and today i woke up feeling sick to my tummy so i didnt go today either. im really feeling burnt out and not feeling like im really there in my stats class. i dont have a good feeling about my passing this time.

tuesday after class i met up with peter. we went to his place and played some kind of game where you roll a thing and pick up objects. it was really fun for some odd reason. had a good time with peter.

btw, congrats peter on getting accepted to reed.

then i went and hung out with joe. we went to toys r us, azteca for mexican, and then to washington square. i got a nerf dartboard, a shirt with a potato looking horrified at a thing of fries, and a new build a bear. then i went to buffy night. only one more week left. sadness. so dan and i watched the show then i went home.

wednesday i did a shoot then relaxed at home.

today i went to school only to find that the afternoon class i had showed up for was canceled. so i went out to see the pro-life abortion = genocide display in front of the library. it was sickening of course. i took pictures but i wont post them. peter did that already, you can check his if you need to see it (he is arcus). they dont need me giving them free publicity. it was hard for me to look at but i became desensitized for the most part. i hung out, helped pass out pro choice flyers, held signs, ect. there were a few pro choice people there, passing out flyers and condoms. i met some new people, it was nice.

then i went and had a job interview at romance express over on barbur. its a sex shop, ect. seemed clean, nice, well lit. it was small. the people were nice. im hoping that i get the job. they seemed to like me. so wish me luck!

i came home and i cleaned the hamster cage, the litter box, the bathroom garbage, poured drano down the bathroom sink, and vacuumed the bathroom floor. phew. now im taking a break before gathering up my laundry and sorting it, cleaning my desk, cleaning the trash and non trash off the floor, cleaning the kitchen, putting away the clean dishes, doing the dirty dishes, and pouring drano down the kitchen sink. *sigh*
sarcasticsquirrel: (frisky lonely_maiden)
well last friday i went to liza's housewarming party. that was fun and there were lots of nice people there. i even met tristan, who i have known online for like 5 years.

colin went with me. this was right after we spent 4 hours dying my hair that awesome red color i posted already. and we went to powells where i picked up some innuendo magnet poetry which is awesome. i can say things like "i want to revitalize your downtown area" haha. anyways at the party i went to bite colin in the side from behind. and he hit me in the nose really hard. like right in the middle of the nose. and i cried and my nose bled and it hurt like a bitch.

to clarify, he hit me with his elbow. on accident. but i told him id tell everyone he had abused me. hehe.

over the weekend i met this guy zach i have been talking to online. hes a nice guy. he is graduating from hs in like a month. i forgot what it was like to be around people that young. hehe. but i had a good time.

i havent done much this week. really, at all.

went to buffy tuesday night. only 2 weeks left. ive hung out with tim a couple times.

sunday i went bowling with dan. that was fun. then we went to saturday market. also fun. and ended up at lloyd center at old navy where i pickedup a couple of summer things. yay pretty clothes.

yesterday i was killed by giant hail. *smoosh* not really. but shit that was some big hail. and the thunder scared me. i was out at sauvie island during late afternoon and there was so much hail. and thunder, and rain. and then it cleared and there was a rainbow. and i got honey. its in a bear. yay bear.
sarcasticsquirrel: (buffy rape front_ier)
i got a 46% on my stats test. boo!

i had my last rape support group. i enjoyed meeting the other women but im glad the group itself is over.
sarcasticsquirrel: (linus blankie smelltheflowers)
bunny tried to dig a burrow i think. he chewed a hole in my boxspring. my bed is just a matress and boxspring on the floor. bunny made a big hole. i had to cover it with a metal lid. cuz if he got in there id never get him out. and he could be hurt by a spring. i wish he wouldnt ruin my furniture. and i wish he werent chewing the wood along the bottom of the walls. thats gonna cost me when i move out. good thing i paid a pet deposit.

im really liking my human development class. its really interesting. so thats good. stats is going ok. im a little confused. the process makes sense but i have trouble pulling things out of the story problems to use them in the equations. fucking story problems.

i just finished a video game called trace memory. it was really fun. a mystery with ghosts and murder and stuff. yay. i love my nintendo ds.

i am watching the west wing through netflix. i am finishing up season 2 this weekend. itll take a while to get through all 7 seasons.

last friday i went to a party at tims. i went out there and no one answered the door. and the door was locked. and tim didnt answer his phone. and the cat inside wouldnt even look at me! so i got pissed and went to the bus stop to go home. well tim finally called me back and asked me to come back. i considered not going back cuz i was grumpy at that point. but he lured me back. and i ended up having a really good time. i think everyone must have thought i was crazy. but i had fun. and everyone there was really nice. except tim of course. =p im kidding.

theres not a lot going on. ive been staying home a lot. my sleep schedule is beyond repair. my rape support group is meeting for the last time on wednesday. buffy is almost done at the mission and firefly wont start till july. i still need a job. i want to go to the beach. i also want to go to the zoo. id rather it not be raining when i do either of these things.
sarcasticsquirrel: (snake mayor aussiebulldog)
finals are over.  i think i did really well.  it surprised me.  yay!  had breakfast with peter.  plus he came over after class for some cuddles.  yay cuddling.  got my first paycheck.  128.  dammit thats like nothing and its still probably more than ill usually get.  

i have to get moving on my book.  i have 18 days.  fuck.  need to get a move on.  hoping to get a tree in a few days and i need to get some gifts still thouh im mostly done.  also i want to go see santa.  anyone want to go with? i dont want to go alone!  

also anyone want to go to the club on sunday night?  my friend owen is dj'ing.  i hate going by myself.  c'mon, itll be fun.  

im at work right now.  see how busy we are...
sarcasticsquirrel: (clem  skeleton theothernight)
yesterday was hell.

i was all over emotional and freaking out. everything was overwhelming.

went to therapy and didnt let on. only the second meeting. we talked about what i want to work on.

then i went and got some stuff from fred meyer. then it was off to class. i was freaked out and everything was too loud. i didntw ant to go back out into the world. but i had to so i did.

i took 4 quizzes and one exam. aced them all. but not really. thats the thing. the t.a. that is in my class likes me i think. he always goes over the things i missed and when i can read the answers off his sheet he will mark it as right. or with the exam he will go over it and then mark most as right. the exams are the only thing our grade counts on. ive gotten a 96, 100, 98. i think i got more like a B on all of them. i dont feel good about this. ive never had a grade i didnt earn. but i dont want to bitch at this point either. and i need the grade. my gpa is shit and im not doing that well in my other class. i just dont feel good about this.

then i went home. i barely had any time before it was off to work i had to go. i tried studying for my motivation final but there was too much to do at work. the pre closer was a big help. but i wont always have her there. after tonight itll be just me. i closed on my own for the first time. and i did it. even though i was freaked out from being messed up yesterday it went fine.

i will be working 5-10pm thursdays and fridays at the nw 9th and lovejoy subway. come order food. i cant make it free but i will make it. and you can see me! yay.

then i came home and curled up and cried and went to bed.

i also had a migrain. so i didnt get to stay laying down. i ended up puking up my free sub before bed. the headache woke me and kep me up a while then i went back to sleep. now im up with a headache but not a really bad one.

im thinking ill go wash my hair. did i mention peter did a lovely job of dying it blue?! it looks great.
sarcasticsquirrel: (sex bunny)
yesterday peter and i went to breakfast. we had another talk. then i was off to see dan. we talked and then we went on an adventure in search of a bowling ally. we finally found one open and with room. i sucked but i had fun. dan is a good guy. we had a good time.

then i went to work/ my coworker ecided to take off when i got there and left me alone. so of course nothing was stocked, we had customers non stop, and i ran out of ones. grr. the manager came in a couple hours later and was pissed. thankfully not at me.

today i finally finished with everything i needed to be a full student. i can see an advisor now. yay. andi registered. but i need instructor permission for the poetry class. so fingers crossed. if not ill take something else and switch the stats to a later time.

then peter and i went and saw the fountain. i dont think i liked it. i didnt hate it either. i have very eh feelings about it. its visually interesting.

now i am eatin fresh made cookies and about to throw in a tv dinner. i need to grocery shop. first of the month is soon.
sarcasticsquirrel: (sex bunny)
very productive day. i took 3 quizzes in my self paced class and aced them all the first time. then i went to the rite aid and they were hiring so i grabbed an application. then i went to therapy where i said i didnt think it was going anywhere and bam he gave me a new therapist he thinks will be perfect for me. its a woman and shes younger. works over at the belmont site. so yay me. stopped off for oreos and milk and soda at the store on the way home. now i can have soup and hot chocolate and cookies and coke. tonight is buffy. they are playing pangs, something blue, and hush. should be a good night.
sarcasticsquirrel: (service girl slightlyiconic)
i woke up next to peter this morning. we cuddled a bit then he was up doing things and i was tired in bed. i went to class. the ta that was filling in today had some issues:

1. she was too quiet
2. she was boring
3. you could only read half her overhead notes
4. the information wasnt interesting either

so a good portion of the class left. i was part of this group. i went to the library and printed off another transcript request form cuz i keep fucking them up. dont ask me how.

i met up with peter. we went to go see a movie. we ate first. then the movies werent playing for several hours. so we went to his place. we had a lovely day of sex and cuddling and talking. then we went and saw the prestige. it was really good. very interesting movie.

i had a really nice day with peter. i feel good now. he makes me smile. he makes me happy. the real kind of happy not the hyper im 5 years old kind.

in other news my dvd thingy isnt copying them anymore so i need to try a new program and hope its not the fucking burner again. also i need to accept my financial aid but i am not sure about lenders and i hit the accept button but didnt finish so i think i start over if i do it again. im not sure i wanted to accept all the aid that i did. i only took the grants and sub. loands but i still will have excess and im not sure i want to take it. though if i do i can put a good portion of it towards the credit card. i feel like im thinking of the now and not the later. but honestly i think my credit card rates are so high itd be a better deal. heh. sadness.
sarcasticsquirrel: (me glasses)
i woke up with a horrible stomach ache. i forced myself to get up and then spent all my studying time puking up stomach acid. then i made myself get dressed and go to school. took a test and i missed the last 2 essay questions but other than that i think i did really well. it took me hours to get over the stomach ache though.

peter and i had lunch today. and we were talking. and i sat in his lap and we were hugging and kissing and it was all cute and great. then i met with a photographer who seems like hes going to be good to work with. then peter and i met up again. and we went and talked to some people about different things i needed to get done. im looking into different counceling. and everything was good. we went to a movie. we saw running with scissors. i did not like it. the trailers look great. the movie is so fucking disturbing and depressing i wished for my own damn death. peter looked visably upset and i would have happily left when he showed signs of discomfort but he seemed to wave away that thought.

afterwards he told me things were over and to let him go. and i couldnt accept it. and i cried and we talked. and he took me to my place out of the public view where id been bawling my eyes out. and we talked and cuddled and laughed. and i feel better. im worried. i love him dearly. he says im offering him the moon. but dammit ill deliver. ill do everything i say i will. and ill put whatever effort is humanly possible into this relationship because thats how much he means to me. all i want is a chance. hes still thinking. he was feeling better when he left.

he hasnt really been seeing all of me. i didnt even realize. but i need to show him the deeper parts. not the depressing stuff but the part of me that isnt toys and pop culture and cute animals. i need to show him theres more to me. im an intelligent woman. ive been afraid of that for a long time because it would mean trying and mean going through what i did when i was younger where i tried and tried and never lived up to my own sky high expectations. but its time again. im wasting my mind. im wasting myself. and its costing me so much.
sarcasticsquirrel: (buffy halloween equanimity23)
so yesterday i got up and was home for a bit then i get ready and head out in my costume. it was cold and i didnt see anyone around dressed up. felt embarrassed. saw tim and he liked my costume. as did a random guy. and i met a model at the streetcar stop and we talked. she was nice. i went to class. gave out candy. took 3 quizzes. im ready for the first exam. yay! im speeding up. its gonna be alright. one of the ta's told me my costume was hot.

went to therapy for a minute to show off. then i grabbed some food and headed for the art institute. i like going into art schools. the walls are covered with fun things and i think it must be so fun to go to one of those places. i talked to the human resource lady. then i went to the class. 3 hours of doing poses, all standing, all having to be exagerated and animated looking. they were doing some really neat drawings but my back was fucked afterwards. i went back out in the freezing cold and wlaked home. then peter came over. we went for food then back to my place. got ready and dan arrived too. he looked cool. peter was adorable! and he liked my costume too. i tried on his ears and nose this morning. it was cute. anyways so we all three took my pumpkins downstairs for a send off of being outside for people to see. then we went to the club. i didnt have as much fun as last year. the venue was not as good as the crystal and the mood was not as fun. peter hated it. dan seemed to do alright. he danced which was cool. peter danced with me. that was my favorite part. i loved it. i danced by myself a bit. i love dancing. i saw charles. that was cool. need to hang out with him soon. also saw brent and ilia. that was good. i miss them. saw stephanie. and some other people. saw owen. and aurora. and bill. i felt at home and out of place at the same time. people kept telling me id been a stranger.

i felt like i didnt know who i was anymore. ive changed how i look, how i dress, im going to a new school and hanging out with different people. i think i felt like i could have a normal stable life if i did this. but im denying part of who i am. strangely im not sure who i am anymore. or what i want. well i know what i want in the long term but not in the short term. and im not sure that what im doing will make me happy.

today i went to class. then i went and got nice gloves from macys. they were on sale. i was happy about it. yay warm hands. then i went to office depot and got more blank dvds and a program for making houses on my computer so i could play with it. and i asked for a usb cord to connect my camera to the computer. i showed my camera and the port to them. i get home and they gave me the wrong size. after i showed them right where i needed to plug the fucking thing in! grr. have to go back tomorrow and exchange it and then go drop off the employment paperwork at the art institute.
sarcasticsquirrel: (me animated)
had a really unproductive day today. didnt get much of anything done in class. but i got my petticoat for halloween and when i got home my costume had arrived. yay! tried it on. damn its short! it fits nicely as far as the size but damn its short. glad i have the ruffles underneath so you cant see my ass! not so much mad hatter, more like slut hatter. but hmm, looks good.

thorat has been hurting the last couple days.

been in a bad mood today.

working tonight. oh joy.
sarcasticsquirrel: (me eye the_dodger)
there was a band playing in the smith building today that i liked. saw jackie and we listened to the band and talked a bit.

i think im getting from my motivation class what i was hoping ot get from my behavior analysis class. funny how that works out.

went to buffy last night. micah went with me. he seemed to enjoy it. then i went and stayed at peters. i have a blister on my foot that wont heal cuz of the spot its in. so im limping around. it sucks.

my dad should be comming over (though hes bailed on me two days in a row so far) at like 3-4 to cut my hair before i go with joe to pick up a coffee table. then jim is sposed to come get dodgers stuff tonight. and then im going to the decemberists. but tim might not be able to get out of work. which would mean that id have no one to go with which would suck.

in other news: i just ate whipped cream from the can right into my little ashley mouth. woohoo!
sarcasticsquirrel: (fairy moon valo-queen)
ive learned that self paced classes are not for me. im way behind where i need to be to do this comfortably. and i dont agree with the material. well i agree with like half of it but dont think its the right all around method. and since i flunked the first test in the class i do like, school is not looking good. im actually starting to wish id looked into fashion design school up here.
sarcasticsquirrel: (dance miss_anulka)
i totally bombed my test. ouch.

got my season one of fraggle rock in the mail. yay. thank you dodger!

talking to someone bout doing a bondage shoot but not sure im comfortable with it.

peter called for me to a place for group counceling for the rape. i need to be screened.

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