sarcasticsquirrel: (everything i want lovestruckicons)
sarcastic squirrel ([personal profile] sarcasticsquirrel) wrote2005-06-29 05:34 am
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went to the bank today and canceled both my cards and had new ones sent to me. the bank guy was seriously flirting with me. haha. guys on the street looked at me too. they watched me, long skirt flowing around my feet, hanging off me, exposing my tummy and my hip bones and my hips swayed back and forth. my tank top hugged me and dipped low enough to expose the flesh of all parts of my breasts not cradled by bra. the men they turned their heads. or course they did. i know how to move and how to look.

was walking to the store to spend the last few bucks i had on another case of soda. suddenly everything looked distorted. and i was frightened. i didnt know what to do. i wanted dodger. i wanted to feel safe. he is my safety. and i passed the place where in high school jesse and i gave a homeless man kraft singles instead of change. he said spare some change and we said no but would you like some CHEESE? and he was like um...alright! and i suddenly missed jesse very much. i saw his step dad in the bank today but said nothing. jesse and i were rude and shallow and we shop lifted and starved ourselves and talked shit about everyone and skipped all our classes and were horrible and self destructive. but i miss him. i do.

been tlaking to dodger all night. watched 3 movies. i havent been doing well. i am doing worse and wrose every day it seems. and he has not been doing all that hot either. and he cant handle me going into the hospital. i understand and i wont go. he has problems and sometimes he scares me and sometimes i worry a lot about him. more often lately. and i dont know what to do. i wish i could help him. i need to get down there and save both of us.