sarcasticsquirrel: (Default)
i am hoping that this ends up being a good place for me. i spent a lot of time on livejournal for years but it didnt seem the same by the time i left.

i have been trying to make a bunch of changes, and also make a list of things that need to be done. current situation just isnt maintainable.

i need to get a job. something part time. if it were from home itd be really preferable. but i have about a month before i stop getting tanf for corbin and i need to supplement that since his dad is certainly not magically going to start paying his child support. i havent even attempted working in over 8 years. before i got pregnant. i never was good at maintaining even shitty food service jobs. i have a bachelor's degree but i also have a lot of problems. and the jobs that my degree would lead me to require a drivers license. so next on my list is a permit. its time i learn to drive even if i think it will be something that makes me really anxious. in the meantime i need some other type of job. boring i dont mind. its better than something that will make me all freaked out. maybe id do really well at a job now. but its such an unknown at this point that i worry a lot.

my dad offered to get me a car last night. hes finally in his own apartment after couch surfing for more than a decade. im happy for him. but i cant tell if hes drinking again and that worries me. i wish i knew but i dont want to ask. he said things i wish he wouldnt. i dont want to hear from my dad that i have a nice body but no tits. i dont want to know about his dick size, what my mom thought of his sex skills, or the fact he thinks hes the 1% who cant contract an std. i dont mind helping him make a tinder account. or showing him how to use a computer. but really, there needs to be a line somewhere.

i am still really disappointed that my insurance didnt approve the place i wanted to do therapy. im not willing to do it if i have to go to some shitty place where they threaten me and are nothing but negative. need to call the insurance and see what they say. i dont have a lot of trust in the mental health field. and my psych degree didnt give me more trust, less actually. pretty sure a lot of it is just winging it and hoping they are right.

i made the first call to get set up at the clinic corbin goes to. i havent seen a doctor in years but i probably should and i have a couple things i should probably ask about. need to most likely go to planned parenthood again sometime too. i never even went back for the 6 week appointment after i got my iud, and that was almost a year ago. thats how bad i am with doctors. still avoiding my dentist because i dont want to deal with yanking the tooth in the back out while awake. but now i have other cavities and i really need to stop putting it off. not yet though. ugh

my sleep schedule is so far off at this point its rather ridiculous and really hard to fix. and i know that im depressed and that makes it harder cuz i just want to stay in bed. but then i dont want to sleep at night.

i need to reorganize like half my apartment and get rid of things and make things neater. its really overdue. and i want to get a few things and maybe put up some pictures or something. i am stuck here so i need to make it more of a home, more of somewhere i like being. im really sad i didnt get on the list for a housing voucher but i didnt and i am lucky i have a place to live that i can afford even if its not ideal. so i need to make it nicer in here and just accept it.

i also need to do an overhaul on my appearance. ive become so unhappy with it its really not reasonable anymore. and my look these days is pretty much summed up as i gave up. and i wouldnt care expect that i am not happy with myself. its not about looking nice for other people. its about being able to look in the mirror and not be depressed.
sarcasticsquirrel: (claudia coy tellingasecret)
if anyone wants to make me happy happy for my bday i love to shop, so i know its bad but i like gift cards. amazon, ebay, old navy, american girl, build a bear are my top shops.
sarcasticsquirrel: (Default)
i am going friends only. its time to have my private life a little more private.

comment to be added.
sarcasticsquirrel: (sirius yohopiratesyoho)

You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

sarcasticsquirrel: (rat aww phaust_)
yes i got new pets. yes, im insane. as soon as id done it i nearly had a panic attack. i was shaking and freaking out. i was not in need of more pets. i need to work on my impulse control. but. now that i have them i am very happy with them. they are cute and they get along with each additions to the family. yay!

i am very aware im gonna be a crazy animal lady. possibly im there already.

and dont worry im getting this in a few days, they didnt have one at the store...





sarcasticsquirrel: (chandler dance fromahippie)
the simpson movie was awesome!
sarcasticsquirrel: (stitch hug hotpinkart)
tuesday night i started to get a sore throat. didnt think much of it. until thursday when i went to take my final and i had a sore throat and was going hot and cold. still, by the end of taking my final i felt better. so i figured it was going away. hung out with my new friend miles and ran some errands. got home around 2. at about 3 my entire body ached horribly.

for the last few days i have had all or some of these symptoms: sore throat, throbbing headache, fever up to 100.4, body aches, weakness, tummy ache, vomiting, congestion, stuffy nose, sneezing.

i think im getting better. i think i just have the snuffy nose and sneezing now. but i seem to be worse at night so who knows. i start my new class tomorrow so hopefully im well enough.
sarcasticsquirrel: (portman gun x-prettieststar)
im finished with my social psych class. i think the final went well. one can hope.

unfortunately i think im getting sick.
sarcasticsquirrel: (secretary circus_sands)
ok name 10 actors/acresses youd like to sleep with (just leave it in the comments here or whatever).

um, im gonna go with:
natalie portman
Anna Paquin
Maggie Gyllenhaal
alison lohman
alyson hannigan
jena malone
patrick fugit
james marsters
john cusack (a nod to the older men)
Johnny Whitworth (i am strange)
sarcasticsquirrel: (sirius yohopiratesyoho)
its been a while since ive really posted anything. tomorrow is the final for my one month social psych class. i didnt like it. the teacher was incompetant and the material was often outdated and usually boring. the people in the class were interesting though. and the class at least was easy so i can pick up a nice grade for my gpa. i start another class next week. hopefully thatll be more fun.

ive been going to firefly at the mission. liking it so far. but i wish it werent so crowded. its really out of control.

not doing a lot else. playing sims 2 and guild wars. not hanging out much at all. ive felt detached lately. but also lonely and kinda depressed.

colin left on the 5th for bootcamp. havent heard from him yet. i miss my colin shaped friend.

had a relatively fun 4th of july. went to a bbq at a park where stormi and tim were hanging out. saw jay, who i havent seen in ages. watched the fireworks, threw some pop its and such. im not one for fire myself.

trying to plan for the trip my mom and i are supposedly going on in september to kauai. looking for ward to it if we can actually get our shit together.

still cant find a job. its frustrating. im not getting modeling work really either.

tom came up from eugene and we hung out a bit.

i really hated the heat last week.

i saw ratatouille. that was excellent. i also enjoyed harry potter and it was good to see will. and tristan and i saw a movie at the fox tower. it was shot in paris, cant remember the name, its french. i liked it for the most part.
sarcasticsquirrel: (anya w/bunny darlaslilgirl)

i dyed the tips of bunnys ears and his forhead

close up

and a pic of bunny in his sitting spot by my boots.

sarcasticsquirrel: (get by on looks ate_a_bug)

bleached and wet

bleached and dry. i kinda liked this look.

dyed! the dye is a little dark but will fade nicely.

yay dyed!

sarcasticsquirrel: (dancing sunshine gentleflower)
im behind on my birthday wishes...

happy belated (only by a few hours) birthday lucas!

happy birthday tom!
sarcasticsquirrel: (elliot daynawashere)
Nice hair.......

It's come to my attention that people (women) often say that one of the most fundamental things they are looking for is honesty in a man but since they've more than likely never met an honest man they don't know what to do when they actually confront one.

That having been said let's see if you write me (an extremely honest man back. Now this writing back deal will require a certain amount of curiosity and gumption and no small amount of an open mind. If you wonder why no honest men it's because the world is backwards and most of the the time people not only tell you what you want to hear but know what invariably happens when telling the truth.....let's see:

You would never find a better more honest friend, lover, husband. How do I know that? Because I have two wives and I'm looking for a third. That's getting the 500 pound gorilla out of the way up front and being honest isn't it?

What do you suppose type of man I am? One you should avoid or embrace? Well I'm not a dishrag. I appreciate intelligent physically strong females because they make the best babies and I'm all about family and yes I can afford three wives.

Well you have a choice to ignore or explore. I expect everything and ask for nothing. Consequently I'm unable to place you in an akward position. You might just be curious....if so please feel free to write. I won't bite and you can always use me for a topic of conversation. "I actually correspond with a polygamist from Florida on a regular basis!!!"

Looking forward to your reply........C. Smith (real name)
sarcasticsquirrel: (lornett keen_and_peachy)
every once in a while i get the feeling that i really want to get out of this town, move away. not sure where. i do like california. the thing is i know id never go alone. almost went with dodger, but that didnt work out. id want to know at least one person.

im hoping that i get over this after my trip to kauai in september.
sarcasticsquirrel: (sheep newtechnology)
i went to colins going away party tonight. had a good time. hung out, tortured colin, played with dogs, talked to people.

wish colin hadnt spilled beer on me though. eww. also coulda done without his moms drunk girlfriend talking about how we "dig" each other and how i should go with him.

it was hard to leave, made me sad to say goodbye to him. im gonna miss my colin shaped friend.
sarcasticsquirrel: (pulp teardropflower)
happy birthday liza
sarcasticsquirrel: (me animated)
i am naked in the willamette week. this is what i get for having to sign over the rights to my modeling photos to the photographers...
sarcasticsquirrel: (me tile face)

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.


sarcasticsquirrel: (Default)
sarcastic squirrel

January 2017

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