sarcasticsquirrel: (girl interupted speech sunswept_stars)
i take everyone for granted. im spoiled and selfish. i treat people badly. dodger, lucas. there wasnt something wrong with them, there was something wrong with me. and i hurt them.

-peter, im sorry. its not personal. just because i hate my life doesnt mean i dont like being with you. things are just bad for me. im sorry. i love you very much.


This old house is falling down around my ears
Im drowning in a river of my tears
When all my will is gone you hold me sway
I need you at the dimming of the day
sarcasticsquirrel: (worse ani blue_leaves)
id like to thank lucas for keeping me company online while hes at work. its been helping.
sarcasticsquirrel: (breakdown)
i feel like shit right now. and i have some rash on my torso thats annoying me. and i felt fat in the bath, my legs looked huge. and i had a really hard convo with lucas last night and it really made me feel shitty. and i told him to listen to a song cuz dunno, but hes mad about it. and im not doing well. and i cant talk to dodger about it. i really shouldnt talk to him at all cuz he needs to work and if im not doing well then it ruins everything. i always ruin things somehow. so the best thing i could do for him is disappear. i dont know why i get like this. i just do. i get really fucked up sometimes.
sarcasticsquirrel: (Default)
well today didnt do much. went out for a short while. came back. takled to dodger. then lucas brought over my microwave. and we went to the store so i could get some stuff. then we went to pizzacoto or however you spell it. had dinner. then he left. now im here again in front of my computer. talking to dodger.

last night i dont think i mentioned i hung out with jess. we got pizza and hung out. had a good time. he was nice enough to give me a backrub aswell. hes a good guy. i miss having him in town.
sarcasticsquirrel: (home)
it has been a wierd evening. lucas offered to pay off my debt and pay for me to go down and live with dodger. if i left tonight. gave up everyting, my friends, my home, eerything ive ever known, and go be with dodger. i wanted to. but i hesitated. i hesitated too long. lucas went to bed.

i want to go. i want to go. i want to be with dodger. no matter what i have to do.

lucas wouldnt answer the phone, or texts or anything. now i am left wodering if he changed his mind or was maybe even never serious. this has made things worse. cuz i got it in my mind i want to go do this and now he feels further away cuz the chance was dangled then pulled away.

im not making it here. im not surviving. i really need this. i wish id just said yes without thinking. becuase once i did think the answer was still yes.

now i dont know what to do.
sarcasticsquirrel: (dont love me)
went to see batman begins with lucas. got some food first at the chipotle grill. batman was fucking amazing. wow.

then we went to his place, well store first then his place, got the last of my stuff including fred. she didnt want to go. i felt bad taking her out of there. i know she doesnt understand all this. but she doesnt seem to hate me. she did pee all over me in the car though. thanks fred.

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sarcasticsquirrel: (Default)
sarcastic squirrel

January 2017

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