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i had a hard night. did have some fun though. dancing with dodger. but even he cant make me look graceful. i still enjoy being twirled and dragged around the dance floor and dipped by my cute, loving boyfriend. hes a good dancer. i like to watch him dance.
but i also felt out of place. i think that earlier comments made by him about my afinity for bad pop music and whether id feel more comfortable at a normal club didnt help. but it was knowing that i dont know the music and that im just kinda a "weekend goth". and also how insecure i get cuz i cant dance and then i want to dance but i dont want to cuz i go out there and i feel stupid. so i got down and he could tell. i went in and out of depression. i acted bitchy in front of his friend and embarrassed him. there is also another aspect to things which i hadnt previously thought of. the club has changed for me since ive been dating dodger. it used to be a place removed from the rest of my life, a place to get away and have fun with my friends. a place to flirt and talk about things with people and stuff. it was removed from my relationship and the rest of my life. while i love having dodger at the club it does change that. i dunno, im just being stupid.
had some arguements tonight. based around the fact that im really stressed out about financial issues. but all that is bullshit and i hate it.
i know that dodger doesnt trust my love for him. and i admit that hurts. he thinks im going to hate him. that im going to leave him. he doesnt really have faith in me.
but i also felt out of place. i think that earlier comments made by him about my afinity for bad pop music and whether id feel more comfortable at a normal club didnt help. but it was knowing that i dont know the music and that im just kinda a "weekend goth". and also how insecure i get cuz i cant dance and then i want to dance but i dont want to cuz i go out there and i feel stupid. so i got down and he could tell. i went in and out of depression. i acted bitchy in front of his friend and embarrassed him. there is also another aspect to things which i hadnt previously thought of. the club has changed for me since ive been dating dodger. it used to be a place removed from the rest of my life, a place to get away and have fun with my friends. a place to flirt and talk about things with people and stuff. it was removed from my relationship and the rest of my life. while i love having dodger at the club it does change that. i dunno, im just being stupid.
had some arguements tonight. based around the fact that im really stressed out about financial issues. but all that is bullshit and i hate it.
i know that dodger doesnt trust my love for him. and i admit that hurts. he thinks im going to hate him. that im going to leave him. he doesnt really have faith in me.
