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Nov. 30th, 2004
the wizard of disappointment has done it again. i dont know how he manages.
a little background on my dad for those of you new to the story...
he was a drug dealer. for like 30 years. finally stopped. when i was 4 months old he took all the money a week before rent was due and left my mom with me. he never paid child support to me or my 3 half brothers with different moms. he contacted me right before i turned 18, when he didnt have to pay for me anymore. so i met ihm. and my half brothers. and the second time i ever see him he takes me with him on a drug deal (back when he was dealing). he thought i didnt know what was going on. but i saw. so i didnt tlak to him for a while but then i did. and eventually we were doing pretty well. and he had an appartment and he was managing a hair salon. and he did my hair about once a month. and he wasnt real responsible or helpful but we did ok. and i let it slide that he was still an active alcoholic (who cant drive now cuz of all the DUI's). then he lost the appartment he was getting free for being the person who showed the appartments and cleaned up around the building. he didnt tell me why he lost that job. so he was sleeping on peoples couches.
TODAY
today he calls me. he lost his salon job. he got into it with the owner or something. and hes going to detox. for like the tenth time or something. it wont work, it never works. then he is going to turn himself in to go to jail. for child support stuff. so he called to say hell be gone for awhile. i gave him my address to write me the way my brothers been writing me for 3 years from jail. i guess my dad figures why not go to jail. they will house him and feed him and he wont have to work on his life at all. hes never going to get his shit together. and it makes me so upset that he cant pull it together. its more like having a child than a parent. im always worrying and always feeling bad that hes fucking up. and always feeling like i should help him but i cant. i tried ot help him find an appartment but he wouldnt do anything. i never doesn anything. mom told me she was only with him for the drugs. gee thanks mom, now hes my dad forever. bet she didnt consider that when she was doing coke and smoking pot with him for free.
a little background on my dad for those of you new to the story...
he was a drug dealer. for like 30 years. finally stopped. when i was 4 months old he took all the money a week before rent was due and left my mom with me. he never paid child support to me or my 3 half brothers with different moms. he contacted me right before i turned 18, when he didnt have to pay for me anymore. so i met ihm. and my half brothers. and the second time i ever see him he takes me with him on a drug deal (back when he was dealing). he thought i didnt know what was going on. but i saw. so i didnt tlak to him for a while but then i did. and eventually we were doing pretty well. and he had an appartment and he was managing a hair salon. and he did my hair about once a month. and he wasnt real responsible or helpful but we did ok. and i let it slide that he was still an active alcoholic (who cant drive now cuz of all the DUI's). then he lost the appartment he was getting free for being the person who showed the appartments and cleaned up around the building. he didnt tell me why he lost that job. so he was sleeping on peoples couches.
TODAY
today he calls me. he lost his salon job. he got into it with the owner or something. and hes going to detox. for like the tenth time or something. it wont work, it never works. then he is going to turn himself in to go to jail. for child support stuff. so he called to say hell be gone for awhile. i gave him my address to write me the way my brothers been writing me for 3 years from jail. i guess my dad figures why not go to jail. they will house him and feed him and he wont have to work on his life at all. hes never going to get his shit together. and it makes me so upset that he cant pull it together. its more like having a child than a parent. im always worrying and always feeling bad that hes fucking up. and always feeling like i should help him but i cant. i tried ot help him find an appartment but he wouldnt do anything. i never doesn anything. mom told me she was only with him for the drugs. gee thanks mom, now hes my dad forever. bet she didnt consider that when she was doing coke and smoking pot with him for free.