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this is the last of the sf trip entries...
i just said goodbye to him, crying and blurry-eyed. i know i have to leave, i just wish that i didnt have to leave him. we held each other in the bus station. he was having molly memories. and i felt bad for him, but it was my last hour with him so i felt jealouse. i felt like second best. that bitch hurt him. sshe doesnt fucking deserve him. he is my everything.
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i dont want to wash him off my skin. i dont want to forget the feeling of him against me, holding me, kissing me, inside of me. he gave me his shirt. not washed. hes right i like that better. im afraid ill wear it constantly and never wash it though. wont want to wash him off of it. we took a cab to the bus station and i gave him cab fare home. before we left we made love one last time. i never wanted it to end. i didnt want to feel him leave my body. i wanted to cuddle but there wasnt time. hed made me a CD. wed showered together one last time. we went downtown today. we made love in the morning (technically afternoon). we talked. we cuddled. i miss him. its been a half hour and i can barely breathe, my stomach is turning, im fighting back more tears. i love him. i need him. id give up everything for him.
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im in sacramento in the bus station. next bus leaves at 7am. been tlaking to dodger on the phone. he went to the store and i went and changed into his shirt. changing i saw my patch not on. texted him. i dont even have any packed. im not the brightest ashley doll now am i? lets not think of all the sex ive been having. he says itll be fine.
*************************************************************
at the bus station i clung to him and kissed him and kept saying i love you i love you i love you over and over in his ear. i wanted to hug and kiss ihm better before i boarded the bus but the driver was being a dick. looked at him as i walked away. then i saw him again as i went to speak to the driver about the lack of seating. hard to leave seing him standing there. sat on the bus holding the pokemon duck. it was his. it will now be dodger duck. it will be my dodger stuffed animal. im tired. 4:35am. want to get on the next bus and try to sleep. i want to cuddle up with my favorite super hero, naked man, also known as dodger.
********************************************************
i cannot erase you,
will not wash
your touch
from my flesh.
i would cross
the deserts and mountains
between us
to get back to you.
wrapped up in the cloth
that came off your body
i wish only
to curl up
safe in your arms
but i cannot reach you.
***********************************************************
didnt leave sac. till 7:30am. got my own seat and slept 1 1/2 hours. then someone sat next to me. before napping listened to part of the CD dodger made me. in sac. iit was so tempting just to take one of the many buses back to sf. leaving sac. we passed a sign pointing to sf and my heart pulled that way but the bus drove the other. i love portland. its my town. but i miss him. he is my home.
************************************************************
(6/20)i told him the other night that i worry. i know he can take care of himself but sometimes he seems so sad and sensitive and fragile. he said he is, and that he usually isnt happy. yeah im not either.
i just said goodbye to him, crying and blurry-eyed. i know i have to leave, i just wish that i didnt have to leave him. we held each other in the bus station. he was having molly memories. and i felt bad for him, but it was my last hour with him so i felt jealouse. i felt like second best. that bitch hurt him. sshe doesnt fucking deserve him. he is my everything.
*************************************************************
i dont want to wash him off my skin. i dont want to forget the feeling of him against me, holding me, kissing me, inside of me. he gave me his shirt. not washed. hes right i like that better. im afraid ill wear it constantly and never wash it though. wont want to wash him off of it. we took a cab to the bus station and i gave him cab fare home. before we left we made love one last time. i never wanted it to end. i didnt want to feel him leave my body. i wanted to cuddle but there wasnt time. hed made me a CD. wed showered together one last time. we went downtown today. we made love in the morning (technically afternoon). we talked. we cuddled. i miss him. its been a half hour and i can barely breathe, my stomach is turning, im fighting back more tears. i love him. i need him. id give up everything for him.
********************************************************
im in sacramento in the bus station. next bus leaves at 7am. been tlaking to dodger on the phone. he went to the store and i went and changed into his shirt. changing i saw my patch not on. texted him. i dont even have any packed. im not the brightest ashley doll now am i? lets not think of all the sex ive been having. he says itll be fine.
*************************************************************
at the bus station i clung to him and kissed him and kept saying i love you i love you i love you over and over in his ear. i wanted to hug and kiss ihm better before i boarded the bus but the driver was being a dick. looked at him as i walked away. then i saw him again as i went to speak to the driver about the lack of seating. hard to leave seing him standing there. sat on the bus holding the pokemon duck. it was his. it will now be dodger duck. it will be my dodger stuffed animal. im tired. 4:35am. want to get on the next bus and try to sleep. i want to cuddle up with my favorite super hero, naked man, also known as dodger.
********************************************************
i cannot erase you,
will not wash
your touch
from my flesh.
i would cross
the deserts and mountains
between us
to get back to you.
wrapped up in the cloth
that came off your body
i wish only
to curl up
safe in your arms
but i cannot reach you.
***********************************************************
didnt leave sac. till 7:30am. got my own seat and slept 1 1/2 hours. then someone sat next to me. before napping listened to part of the CD dodger made me. in sac. iit was so tempting just to take one of the many buses back to sf. leaving sac. we passed a sign pointing to sf and my heart pulled that way but the bus drove the other. i love portland. its my town. but i miss him. he is my home.
************************************************************
(6/20)i told him the other night that i worry. i know he can take care of himself but sometimes he seems so sad and sensitive and fragile. he said he is, and that he usually isnt happy. yeah im not either.
