(no subject)

yesterday i managed to be a half hour late to an appointment that started at noon.  go me!  it was peter and my 5th monthaversary so then peter picked me up and we went and got food.  and he was really hungry and kinda having trouble and he kept apologizing even though he didnt need to.  then we went roller skating.  and that was fun.  we held hands and skated around.  it was sweet.

then we went and rented the last part of buffy season 4 so we could stay in and watch it.  and we went and got stuff to have a chicken dinner with biscuits and broccolli and sparking cider.  and he got stuff to make chocolate chip cookies.  we had a nice meal and watched buffy and wallace and grommit. 

he went down on me then acted like i didnt like it even though i obvioiusly did.  then he started to cry and talked about how he thinks we arent going to last.  and it made me so sad.

today we watched angel and cuddled and fucked and cleaned. 

this morning i was thinking all these things in my head about what i should say to peter.   i need to prepare to be a lot straonger.  im not going to bend over backwards anymore.  i need to be more myself, not the version of myself i think fits best.