sarcasticsquirrel: (linus smelltheflowers)
ive been cleaning today. almost done. kitchen and bathroom are clean. main room is clean. im just folding the last of my laundry. yay. ive also been working on a quilted purse from a kit i got a while back. its going to be nice when im done. when the dishes are done going through the dishwasher i should make dinner. other plans for tonight include homework and studying. beyond that im not sure. ill get bored sometime in the next couple hours im sure.

i really want to take some sewing classes. and learn how to make my designs into patterns or at least make them translate into something i can make.

thinking of peter crying on his mothers shoulder breaks my heart. i just want to pick him up in my arms and hold him till its all better. i want to make things better.

i need to make things better for myself too. ive been getting more on track at school which i really needed to do. i need to turn in my hot topic application. anyone have any recommendations on other places to apply? id rather do retail than food but can also do food. the modeling is cold in the winter and its not paying enough now that im barely doing photography. id rather have a part time job and occassionally do an art class.

i want to get the pictures done for my book. i need a girl to pose for me. close ups, nothing where youd be recognized. anyone? i also need to go to the beach to take a picture of the ocean. and to eat fish and chips. hehe.

i think that peter and i have been walking through our relationship not really tlaking like we used to. there is a tendency in relationships to get used to each other and be in a routine and not really have conversations like you have with your friends or someone youve just met. i realized after talking to him last night it was like waking up. we hadnt been talking like that and we need to. he didnt know anything about me it seemed. i mean he does, but he doesnt. its like he sees this boring side of me and has no idea about my project and plans. he also doesnt know what im struggling with or where i am in my head. and he doesnt erally know what im studying. i dont want to just be with someone like you are with an object thats next to you.

we need to talk more, actually talk. i think its not that we arent trying but that weve been asking the wrong questions. and then he ends up only hearing im bored or youre cute from me. though when i tell him hes cute it doesnt really mean that. i mean he is cute and i mean that. but its more than that. its like i look at him and i feel all this love and affection inside me and im not really sure how to express it. so i say that and it doesnt sound right but i never came up with a better thing to say.

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sarcastic squirrel

January 2017

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