sarcastic squirrel

so i had to go get a paper from the employment department. and i ran late and didnt have my phone. so i was too late to do my shoot. which means i made no money and i am broke. i have money in the bank. but its designated for bills. i suppose ill be using it if i have to spend any money tomorrow. sunday i have a shoot in the morning. then i need to get my halloween costume and see jim, and need peter to look at his halloween options and we were going to get him groceries. and im going to hive with tim. i wanted to go get pumpkins tomorrow but i dont want to spend the money right now.

marc who i was sposed to shoot with today said he could shoot me this weekend so i offered him saturday. or he said he could advance me the shoot fee. hes really nice.

dad just canceled again. gawd.

signed up with the employment office. yay.


after 6 years, seen if you dont count walking up to him and not speaking after i got out of rosement, i saw lawton browning. at school. looks like he goes there. he smiled at me and i smiled back. i was too shocked to say anything. i wonder if he recognized me or just thought a cute girl was looking at him. it was wierd seeing him. i wanted to talk to him. i hated him for a long time but i expected too much from him. he was only 15. he turned 16 right before i assaulted him.

btw look at my new icon. yay!

there was a band playing in the smith building today that i liked. saw jackie and we listened to the band and talked a bit.

i think im getting from my motivation class what i was hoping ot get from my behavior analysis class. funny how that works out.

went to buffy last night. micah went with me. he seemed to enjoy it. then i went and stayed at peters. i have a blister on my foot that wont heal cuz of the spot its in. so im limping around. it sucks.

my dad should be comming over (though hes bailed on me two days in a row so far) at like 3-4 to cut my hair before i go with joe to pick up a coffee table. then jim is sposed to come get dodgers stuff tonight. and then im going to the decemberists. but tim might not be able to get out of work. which would mean that id have no one to go with which would suck.

in other news: i just ate whipped cream from the can right into my little ashley mouth. woohoo!

called m a to confirm our plans for today for lunch. he of course was too drunk when he made the plans an didnt remember today. he still thought my birthday was tomorrow. he told me hed see me later in the week

i forgot to tell you all about the call i got yesterday.

my dad called. ugh. anyways, he scolded me for not calling him for so long. i apologized and explained about the move. then he told me his phone had been dead for the last month and he was sorry thats why he hadnt called. wtf!!! anyways, moving on...

he gave me the you have family speech. he talked about how he wished he has some money cuz he needs a place to live too and we could have gotten a place together. i cant think of a worse nightmare. then he said hes going down to california next week and hell have money when he gets back. my dad is a perpetual couch surfer. but he says hes getting a place this time. hes said that many times. maybe hes run out of people to use. he also wants to meet peter, so when he gets back from picking up another shipment of pot to sell from mexico we are going to set up a lunch date. he wants my two brothers that still live in town to be there too. peter has met my bitchy, judgemental mother. now he can meet my mind numblingly stupid father, my uneducated older brother (whjo i love to pieces, hes such a sweety), and my little jock of a younger brother.

the fun did not end there! oh no. i made the mistake of teling my dad im looking for a job. now, as many of you are aware, my dad is a drug dealer. an alcoholic, pothead, drug dealer who has been to jail twice for drug trafficing, once on federal charges. im sooo proud. so anyways, my dad says he can get me a part time job. oh boy. working for a friend of his. oh no. at a smoke shop selling tobacco and bongs and stuff. oh gawd. i cant stress enough how bad an idea this is. but how could i tell my dad he associates with shady people, an is in fact shay himself, and that the last thing his felon of a daughter needs is to be working in some smoke shop that is probably selling drugs out the back and having the cops come in an bust me. it would have hurt his feelings.

why do i even care about his feelings? hes my dad. only one i get. i tried to trade him in for a jetta but he has too many miles on him. so i have to keep him. i will give him credit for something though. hes always proud of me. hes always supportive. hes always positive when speaking about me. he loves me. hes a shitty father but he cares and he makes it clear somehow. to him i am a beautiful, intelligent woman. he sees me the way i wish my mother saw me.

so ill tell you about today. it started off normal. i was sad i didnt have time to pet a fkuffy white cat on my way to the bus stop, but my usual sleepy self dragged to school. i was going to do my homework in class. i get there and i dont understand whats going on. i try to start last nights homework but find i dont understand that either. i get my test back and i failed. i stay after and he helps me but he tells me i have to start committing this stuff to long term memory. if i could do that i would have passed already. im failing the class. this is the 3rd time ive taken it. and i have retained none of the information. none. its like im seeing it all for the first time. i will learn things in class and then i wont know how to do them the next day. and its not just math. everything in my life is like this. i forget almost everything. i write things down, i save all my passwords on my computer cuz i forget. i can never remember how to do thigns. i get reminder calls the day before for appointments and i still forget. my mind doesnt work right. nothing seems to stick. and ive forgetten most everything in my life except the really big things. everything else, events, people, ect are just gone. i read my lj and i dont even remember who or what im talking about. and it scares me. and this teacher who doesnt allow any notes during tests is telling me i just have to start remembering these math things. i dont remember what he taught the other day, i dont remember the info from taking the class the first 2 times, and i dont remember the classes before this that we are building on.

so then i go downtown. i get the hair dye i need, a tattoo devil ducky, and i even got a cheap pair of jeans at buffalo exchange. they fit me perfectly and it only took me a few minutes to find them. thats rare. so im feeling better. i call my dad. he has lost his job again. dont know where hes staying. he says he might be leaving town for a while. shit hes sposed to do my hair. leaving town means drug deals, dodging police warrents, or going to jail. great. or rehab again but i doubt it. im guesssing drug dealing.

i go to the bank and put in the money from the shoot i did yesterday. that should give me about 90 in the bank. seems nice. ill get to spend some cash. i need new sandles, ect. they tell me that im over $100 overdrawn. that means that when i get paid tomorrow if i put the money in to pay comcast not to shut the internet and tv off then the money will be absorbed by the overdraft fees. fuck. i think it must be some mistake. they tell me that my credit card auto payment overdrew me on the 17th. i thought it was due on the 19th. when i came in and put in 30 on the 18th they didnt tell me i was overdrawn. i had been going around using my card assuming i had plenty of cash. but every time i used it i was getting a $35 overdraft fee. thats fucked up. so i go home and check my bank history online and find that the 17th is the normal pay date. fuck fruck fruck. well dodger paypalled me $100 so that and the $125 i make tomorrow should cover this months comcast and the overdraft. but im flat broke now. this fucking sucks. im totally pissed. i know its my fault but shit. the bank coulda told me when i was in there the first time. then i wouldnt have like 5 overdraft fees.