![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
so my dad cant do my hair cuz he is going to arizona to start up his drug dealing again. he said hes sorry to disappoint me, which might have meant a lot if i didnt know he was only refering to the fact that he cant do my hair for me. he is a constant disappointment. and totally unaware of it.
talked to dodger last night. he says he doesnt think he can get an appartment by the end of june. he is focusing on finding a repacement job for september. he doesnt think he has the time or money to find an apartment. which means that i need to do something or at the end of june ill be homeless. if i can get into them there are some places that i can afford. but i have to work around my criminal record and i need to come up with the money for the security deposite and the pet deposite. ive bookmarked some places on apartment guide. its too early to check craigslist. i didnt apply to any schools up here so i guess ill be out of school next year, at least for a while. im still waiting to hear if i got accepted to the college down in sf. if not then either way im out of school. and paying off my fucking student loans.
i dont know what will happen to dodger and i. he wants me to get a place and then come down and see him all the time once he gets an apartment, while im waiting for my lease to end. or to break my lease. i dont want to be in a long distance relationship for more than a few months. and i dont want to uproot my life every few weeks, transport fred and me down there then back up again. all of this totally sucks. and im not sure that he sees me as all that important. i know im less important to him than a nice job or some level of success so he can feel like he has the ability to control everything. i cant talk to him about any of this really, he gets really upset. it seems i cant talk to him about a lot of things anymore. i used to be able to just talk to him. but now if it isnt something he can just fix then he gets all upset when i just want to talk about my life. seems he only calls me when he needs me to turn off bit torrent or to do something on his computer for him. he may talk to me afterwards but the reason he calls is to have me do something for him. and when i call he is busy and distracted or doing something or tired. as sad as it was, i think i almost prefer the dodger over the summer that at least missed me a lot and cared that i wasnt there with him.
talked to dodger last night. he says he doesnt think he can get an appartment by the end of june. he is focusing on finding a repacement job for september. he doesnt think he has the time or money to find an apartment. which means that i need to do something or at the end of june ill be homeless. if i can get into them there are some places that i can afford. but i have to work around my criminal record and i need to come up with the money for the security deposite and the pet deposite. ive bookmarked some places on apartment guide. its too early to check craigslist. i didnt apply to any schools up here so i guess ill be out of school next year, at least for a while. im still waiting to hear if i got accepted to the college down in sf. if not then either way im out of school. and paying off my fucking student loans.
i dont know what will happen to dodger and i. he wants me to get a place and then come down and see him all the time once he gets an apartment, while im waiting for my lease to end. or to break my lease. i dont want to be in a long distance relationship for more than a few months. and i dont want to uproot my life every few weeks, transport fred and me down there then back up again. all of this totally sucks. and im not sure that he sees me as all that important. i know im less important to him than a nice job or some level of success so he can feel like he has the ability to control everything. i cant talk to him about any of this really, he gets really upset. it seems i cant talk to him about a lot of things anymore. i used to be able to just talk to him. but now if it isnt something he can just fix then he gets all upset when i just want to talk about my life. seems he only calls me when he needs me to turn off bit torrent or to do something on his computer for him. he may talk to me afterwards but the reason he calls is to have me do something for him. and when i call he is busy and distracted or doing something or tired. as sad as it was, i think i almost prefer the dodger over the summer that at least missed me a lot and cared that i wasnt there with him.
