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was woken up by someone from care oregon, my health care provider through ohp. they wanted to know why i went to the er last weekend. so i told her. then she asked wht the doctor said was wrong with me since i went ot the er something must have been wrong with me. it was like she wasnt listening at all. i was so annoyed.
went to therapy. told him what happened. he didnt seem to care much since i seemed stable enough. then he told me that the modeling was like selling my soul and hoping not to get knocked off and that i should stop. i was so entirely pissed off. i didnt feel supported at all and for the first time in years i wished i had a female therapist.
went to go to planned parenthood. was running way too early so i went to buffalo exchange and looked at some stuff. tried on some leather jackets to see what i look like in one that fits as opposed to dodgers big one. i looked good. and i did look tougher i guess. i felt safer wearing his on my trip than i would have in a hoodie. whatever, im being dumb. then i went to fred meyer and looked at halloween stuff and the toys. its silly i went from trying on leather jackets to look tougher to looking at dolls.
missed my bus so i ended up ebing late to planned parenthood. then the nurse lady told me that since it hadnt been two weeks they wont do my std testing. she did the pelvic. she told me that now through ohp the only one who can do std and hiv testing is a primary care doctor. which i dont have. so i have to get one if i want to be tested.
when i was sitting in the room waiting for her with the paper thing on my top and the paper thing on my lap i was trying to cover up as much as possible. it seemed silly considering that ive been doing nude modeling all summer. then i started to panic. i didnt want to be there and i didnt want to be seen or touched.
it was a bad day. i went into the planned parenthood bathroom afterwards. ive always hated that place. sliced up my arm and face a little, not too bad. was totally freaked out. walked out and caught the bus. texted dodger and had him meet me at powells cuz i wasnt ready to go home. then we went to sparticus and got me some hair dye. we are leaving soon for the lj meetup. thought wed check it out for once.
went to therapy. told him what happened. he didnt seem to care much since i seemed stable enough. then he told me that the modeling was like selling my soul and hoping not to get knocked off and that i should stop. i was so entirely pissed off. i didnt feel supported at all and for the first time in years i wished i had a female therapist.
went to go to planned parenthood. was running way too early so i went to buffalo exchange and looked at some stuff. tried on some leather jackets to see what i look like in one that fits as opposed to dodgers big one. i looked good. and i did look tougher i guess. i felt safer wearing his on my trip than i would have in a hoodie. whatever, im being dumb. then i went to fred meyer and looked at halloween stuff and the toys. its silly i went from trying on leather jackets to look tougher to looking at dolls.
missed my bus so i ended up ebing late to planned parenthood. then the nurse lady told me that since it hadnt been two weeks they wont do my std testing. she did the pelvic. she told me that now through ohp the only one who can do std and hiv testing is a primary care doctor. which i dont have. so i have to get one if i want to be tested.
when i was sitting in the room waiting for her with the paper thing on my top and the paper thing on my lap i was trying to cover up as much as possible. it seemed silly considering that ive been doing nude modeling all summer. then i started to panic. i didnt want to be there and i didnt want to be seen or touched.
it was a bad day. i went into the planned parenthood bathroom afterwards. ive always hated that place. sliced up my arm and face a little, not too bad. was totally freaked out. walked out and caught the bus. texted dodger and had him meet me at powells cuz i wasnt ready to go home. then we went to sparticus and got me some hair dye. we are leaving soon for the lj meetup. thought wed check it out for once.
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Date: 2005-09-28 03:51 am (UTC)From: