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i was adding schools to my user info through that school thing. they didnt have rosemont. haha. big surprise. ive been thinking about aurda the last few days. makes me wonder if im going to run into her. doubt it htough. havent seen her in 4 years.
i called the detective again to see if he can light a fire under the DA's ass, or at least find out whats going on. if they arent going to do anything they could at least tell me. or gimme my clothes back. fucking cowards.
i act like i dont, but i do feel it, it does affect me. i know that. and sometimes more than others. and then i get irritable and i dont want to be touched and i feel freaked out. and ive been watching a lot of law and order lately cuz jess got 2 more seasons on dvd and some of those episodes make me feel it more. for some raeson they affect me more than the sex crimes law and order show, i think because in the regular show, back before the svu show, they didnt handle things as sensitively.
i know that the cop thought id asked for it. she asked me what id expected to happen, like id agreed to it. then totally wrote me off when i told her im mentally ill and dont take meds. fuck the system. the detective was nice, but then he never called me back. the DA never bothered to contact me at all. i dont even know which person has my case. hopefully someone will fucking call me this time. not that i think that a trial would make things better or would be easy. but i want to know whats going on and i dont like feeling like im being written off. ive had enough of that in my life.
and i dont want to be affected by it anymore. but i know that i cant change that. it just sucks. i dont want it popping in my head and making me feel like shit. i want it to stop.
i called the detective again to see if he can light a fire under the DA's ass, or at least find out whats going on. if they arent going to do anything they could at least tell me. or gimme my clothes back. fucking cowards.
i act like i dont, but i do feel it, it does affect me. i know that. and sometimes more than others. and then i get irritable and i dont want to be touched and i feel freaked out. and ive been watching a lot of law and order lately cuz jess got 2 more seasons on dvd and some of those episodes make me feel it more. for some raeson they affect me more than the sex crimes law and order show, i think because in the regular show, back before the svu show, they didnt handle things as sensitively.
i know that the cop thought id asked for it. she asked me what id expected to happen, like id agreed to it. then totally wrote me off when i told her im mentally ill and dont take meds. fuck the system. the detective was nice, but then he never called me back. the DA never bothered to contact me at all. i dont even know which person has my case. hopefully someone will fucking call me this time. not that i think that a trial would make things better or would be easy. but i want to know whats going on and i dont like feeling like im being written off. ive had enough of that in my life.
and i dont want to be affected by it anymore. but i know that i cant change that. it just sucks. i dont want it popping in my head and making me feel like shit. i want it to stop.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-16 01:48 am (UTC)From:Hang in there.
Don't know if these following werds could be enough...?
Date: 2006-01-16 05:36 am (UTC)From:When rape occured to me,all the so generic feelings came to the fore,and I 'escaped'most of them....the ones that are left behind,only bother me,when I am asleep,and my sub-concoius plays sadistic tricks with me.
You never asked for this..........no damn way.
I read back over some of your previous entries,more as a way of seeing patterns of thought.....it would sound awfully cliched of me to say you have done very well,thing is it is true,and don't forget that!
I do know what you mean about apathy,it sneeks up on me every darn day,bastard ain't it?
Take good care of yerself ok?
Tb~?X
no subject
Date: 2006-01-22 08:18 am (UTC)From:It's not your fault, by any means. My guess is that the second they heard mentally ill they wrote you off. I'd continue to bug the hell out of them!