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went to class. was late. phone went off in class with loud annoying ringtone. i was totally mortified. oh my. then met up with peter. we had a serious talk. neither of us have been comfortable with him caretaking me. i want to be in an equal relationship. i dont want to be taken care of. especially by my boyfriend. it creates a relationship where i am the child or the one to be controled. and i dont want that. i dont want to need him. i want to want him. and feel like im independant. so he is afraid cuz he thinks i dont take care of myself. he doesnt want to watch me suffer. and i told him he needs to step back and let me dop things for myself. im an adult. i told him i wont always make the right choices but they are mine to make. in turn i will do my best to take care of myself. i know im not always the best at it. i think the convo went well.
we hung out later an had a nice time. tonight ive been relaxing. i even made some soup. i am proficien at opening a can and adding water. woo.
theres one more thing i did today. im nervous about it. but i think its worth a try. i went and saw nancy at my therapy place. she is the med nurse. shes a really nice lady. and i had an hour appointment. and we talked. and she listened and asked questions and she remembered past things. and at the end i felt like she was helpful. and she gave me a prescription for abilify. im going to try this again. the meds. but in a way i feel like im giving up. ive worked so hard not to be on drugs. and i dont need them. thats the fucked up thing. i dont need to do this. im trying to make things easier on me and make myself feel better. so why do i feel bad about it?
in other news comcast finally got the internet working on the desktop. for a minute. then it was gone again and he coulnt get it back. then he got it going on the laptop. so its up to me to get the desktop working im guessing. damn.
we hung out later an had a nice time. tonight ive been relaxing. i even made some soup. i am proficien at opening a can and adding water. woo.
theres one more thing i did today. im nervous about it. but i think its worth a try. i went and saw nancy at my therapy place. she is the med nurse. shes a really nice lady. and i had an hour appointment. and we talked. and she listened and asked questions and she remembered past things. and at the end i felt like she was helpful. and she gave me a prescription for abilify. im going to try this again. the meds. but in a way i feel like im giving up. ive worked so hard not to be on drugs. and i dont need them. thats the fucked up thing. i dont need to do this. im trying to make things easier on me and make myself feel better. so why do i feel bad about it?
in other news comcast finally got the internet working on the desktop. for a minute. then it was gone again and he coulnt get it back. then he got it going on the laptop. so its up to me to get the desktop working im guessing. damn.
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-30 02:05 pm (UTC)From:Guess it's too complicated for me!
no subject
Date: 2006-09-30 06:17 pm (UTC)From:Meds
Date: 2006-10-01 08:02 pm (UTC)From:Is it a bad thing to want to make things easier and feel better? Might it just be a decision to be aware of your needs and address them in a responsible and adult way? If it is a way to avoid responsibility and dealing with underlying issues then it might be bad. However, deciding to use medication in conjunction with psychotherapy is not necessarily a bad thing. It all depends on the person and what motivates the decision.